So my son has created his own “sign language”. Some days it’s in Spanish and some days it’s in Chinese. I don’t know much Spanish, Mandarin, or Sign Language. What I do know is that his “sign language” is getting on my last nerve.
- Every time you tell me a lie Santa takes two presents off your list. (I know, I know, I’m lying about lying…)
- Clam soup or any seafood you eat will make make you swim better. (He now eats all kinds of seafood.)
- The cow/pig/chicken/turkey meat we buy at the store is from old and sick animals that died. (He’s 5 and I’ll never tell him how they really die.)
- Monsters are only in the house to get some chocolate. You like chocolate so they like you.
- My car really is a Transformer.
- Ezra and Phoebe (our dogs) do a monster check of the house every night before we go to bed. They eat the ones that look mean. Why do you think Ezra’s toots are so smelly?
- Ninjago is one of my favorite shows.
- Yes, I think it would be awesome if dinosaurs were still alive.
- Yes, I would love to find dinosaur poop fossils bigger than our car.
- Yes, I spoke to the pilot and asked him/her to fly slowly and safely. (I have to do this on every flight).
My Son: Mama, why do they call belly buttons, belly buttons?
Me: That’s a good question. I’m not sure.
My Son: We should Google it.
Me: Yes, yes we should.
Good grief… This was a question I was asked by my son when he was 4. We were driving home from school and it came out of nowhere (I should have been grateful that it was not about Transformers). That’s a pretty serious question from one so young. Luckily my brain was working at relatively full capacity that day and this is the answer I gave, “No, God does not hate bad people. God does not hate anyone. When people do bad things, they are making bad choices. When people make bad choices, that makes God sad.” It is a daily lesson for anyone to make good choices no matter how hard it may be. You have to suffer the consequences of your actions. Otherwise, how will you learn? And we all know people who have never really had to deal with the consequences of their actions.
My husband and I like to remind our son about making good choices and bad choices. He likes to remind us that when we hurt his feelings by sending him to timeout or taking his toys (our bad choice), that we are hurting God’s feelings. It’s a never ending battle…
“It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
Professor Albus Dumbledore
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
I was told by a professional educator that the average 5 year old asks 475 questions a day. I told her that my son asks three times that a day easy. One morning on our way to school I counted 36 questions from the time we left the house until we got to the end of our street – less than 5 minutes. They are usually questions I know the answer to, but instead of just giving him the answer I try to get him to answer his own questions. I ask him, “What do you think?” or “I’m not sure, you tell me.” This used to work, however, now he is turning this around on me. I’ve come up with many ways to say “yes” as a lot of his questions end in “right, mama?”
It is almost impossible to watch a movie with him. Just ask any of our immediate family members. It can actually be quite painful. There have been a few instances where we have had to threaten to turn the movie off just so we can watch it without being interrupted 500 times.
I don’t want him to stop asking questions. Ever. I just wish he would ask someone else once in a while so I don’t feel like my head is going to explode.
Apparently I have acquired this terrible habit of ruining my son’s life and destroying his dreams. I seem to do this on a weekly basis and I’m starting to get a little concerned. I mean how many dreams can he have at 5? What part of his life did I ruin exactly? How many times before his life is completely ruined and he has no more dreams? Now, when I hear this I find it very hard not to laugh. I simply say, “Good, that means I’m doing my job.”
I find this to be one of the more humorous parts of my job as a mom. Wait until he sees me rolling my eyes at him and he actually understands why I’m doing it! Parents, do you find that this is also part of your job description?